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[Fic] Your Voice Inside Me (klaine advent prompt #2 Belong)
(I am still far behind)
Your Voice Inside Me
Kurt/Blaine | G | title from the lyrics to Pat Benatar's "We Belong" | a missing moment from 4x09 "Swan Song" | melancholy WAFF | klaineadvent prompt #2 Belong | After he gets home from Sectionals, Blaine calls Kurt. | ~1,500 words
November 2012
"I love you, too." The words, a fragile treasure, nestle at the base of Blaine's throat long after he puts down the phone. Even through the performance and Marley's fainting, the chaos in the choir room, the news that they had lost to The Warblers, the words linger beneath Blaine's skin, slipping to settle warm behind his breastbone on the drive back home. He missed them.
It's late on Thanksgiving when he comes into the house through the garage, down the short hall, past the laundry room, and into the kitchen. His mother sits at the kitchen table with a mug of coffee and her laptop. Her hair and makeup are still done for guests and diamond solitaires glint at her ears, but she's wearing yoga pants, slippers, and a purple velvet hoodie. She doesn't look up as he comes in. "How'd it go?" she asks.
The kitchen still smells of sage and thyme and roast turkey. Blaine's heart beats with the memory of Kurt's voice: "I miss you like crazy." But his stomach growls with hunger; he pulls his bag off over his head and drops it into a vacant chair. "We, um. We were disqualified," Blaine says. "We didn't finish our set."
"Oh, what happened?" she asks, her expression falls into disappointment and her attention comes up from her screen. Then she says, "There's a plate for you in the oven, dear. The cranberry sauce is in the fridge."
Blaine gets the plate from the oven (smiles at the extra large helping of corn pudding his mother has given him) and the cranberry sauce from the refrigerator; he sits at the table opposite her, and tells her about Marley fainting, the ensuing panic, the Warbler's win. She listens with a sympathetic frown, and then, when Blaine's cleaned his plate, gets herself another cup of coffee and a slice of pie for them each. He tells her, too, that Kurt called, to wish him good luck. That makes her smile. The details of their break-up he's left vague, but she knows he's missed Kurt.
"How is he?" she asks.
"We didn't talk long, but good, I think?" It's hard to restrain his smile. "You're still my best friend."
In his left front trouser pocket, his phone is a too still presence, contrasting with Blaine's ache for it to buzz again with Kurt's name lighting up the screen. The weight of it is a reminder of a connection restored.
He helps his mother unload the dishwasher, checks in with his Dad, and then goes upstairs. While he showers he leaves his phone on the vanity with the volume turned up. The phone doesn't ring. As he towels off, Blaine considers it. It's not like he expects another call or text tonight; he doesn't know what Kurt's doing with his Thanksgiving in New York. Maybe it's too soon for communication to normalize between them. But... "I can't stand not talking to you..."
Blaine dresses in his pajamas and dressing gown and sits cross-legged on his bed, holding his phone in his hand. He's sent so many unanswered texts, placed so many unanswered calls, left so many ignored voice messages—does he dare?
His fingers decide before his head has, tapping through to his contacts and finding Kurt's name. No breath leaves Blaine's lungs while he holds the phone to his ear and listens for the ring and waits.
On the fourth ring, he begins to despair. Kurt's phone goes to voicemail after five. He's lowering it from his ear when the fifth ring halts and he hears Kurt's voice, clipped with breathlessness. "Hi."
"Um, hi?" Blaine says. "Am I interrupting anything?"
"Oh, no. Everyone's gone now. I was just in the shower. Can you give me a second?"
"Sure, yes, of course," Blaine says.
The loud static of Kurt's breath rushes in Blaine's ear, and then muffled thumps and rustling, and he hears Kurt tell Rachel, "It's Blaine. I'll be a little while."
There are more indistinct sounds of movement and the murmur of Rachel's voice. Blaine sits quietly, doesn't fidget, and he waits. Apprehension curls in his stomach as he realizes he should have a plan for this conversation. It's too soon for all the things he wants to ask Kurt—and Kurt did say they would talk at Christmas—but it's hard to stop the yearning for answers from creeping up the base of his tongue. He tries to swallow them down. Tries to reorient himself in feelings of friendship and an appreciation for the delicacy and newness of this reconnection. Makes sure he's grateful for Kurt having answered the phone at all, grateful for Kurt's reaching back finally. He won't ask for too much, just—
"Hey!" Kurt's voice is sudden and loud in his ear. "Sorry, I just wanted to get dressed. It's too cold to air dry in my robe."
"Oh, it's fine," Blaine says. Smiles at the humor in Kurt's voice. "I wasn't sure if I should call so late. You said you had... people there?"
"Yeah," Kurt says. "It was a sort of surprise orphan's Thanksgiving with Isabelle and a dozen or so of her friends. Oh my god, Blaine, it was insane, and so much fun. You have no idea."
In the face of Kurt's exuberance (oh, he's missed it), it's all Blaine can do to keep his voice steady enough to ask, "Will you tell me about it?"
Blaine closes his eyes and listens to Kurt narrate the tale of his evening, about Brody and Rachel molesting the turkey, about the glamorous drag queens, about a night he expected to be lonely abruptly filled with music and joy.
"You know what?" Kurt asks.
It's rhetorical, but Blaine offers up an encouraging, "What?" in response.
"I think tonight was the first time I've really felt like I belonged here, in New York. Does that make sense?"
It hurts a little bit, strangely: a harsh sharpening of the distance between them, not just geographically, but... "You sound happy, Kurt."
"Happy?" Kurt says as if he's skeptical of the concept. "It was a good night," he says. "You would've loved it."
Blaine presses his lips closed around a smile and the emotion rising thick in his throat. It's not quite, 'I wish you'd been here', but it's something good. A tentative wish for time spent together, he hopes. He wants to say something meaningful and heartfelt, but he's pulsing with words that are too much for now, or, it's too soon to say them again: I love you, I'm sorry, I miss you, it's so good to hear your voice, please don't ever stop talking to me again, do you think we can be boyfriends again one day?
"Yeah," Blaine says lamely. "It sounds like I would've."
There's an awkward silence that draws into several heartbeats.
"Thank you for answering your phone," Blaine says at the same time Kurt asks, "So tell me about Sectionals?"
"Oh, I, um. Yeah. It's..." Kurt fumbles.
"Sorry," Blaine says.
"No, no. I just realized, that's... why you called, right? Did you win?"
It's harder telling Kurt than it was telling his mother. "No."
"No?" Incredulous. "Did The Warblers—?"
"Yeah, but it's a long story," Blaine says. "I don't want to keep you—"
"No, please, you can tell me," Kurt says. "Oh, god, I'm so sorry, Blaine. Is everyone— Are you okay?"
"I-I'm fine," Blaine says, and really lets himself feel it. Losing the chance at Nationals this year is a blow, one that doesn't feel as if it's fallen yet. It's hard to feel anything worse than fine with Kurt at the other end of the line, listening. Blaine takes a breath, unfolds his legs, and leans back against his pillows, tucking the phone between his head and the pillow. "I'm good, actually. It's weird, but, right now?" Talking to you, hearing your voice. "I'm okay."
"So The Warblers, huh?" Kurt asks. "How did that happen?"
Blaine tells him. They stay on the phone for nearly an hour longer, and it gets easier to talk, to laugh, to fill the silences. They don't talk about them, but they talk, and by the time Kurt groans and says, "I'm sorry, but I really need to go help Rachel with the clean up," it's painlessly easy for Blaine to say, "All right," and "Enjoy yourself."
At that, Kurt snorts a chuckle into the phone. "I'll try," he says sarcastically, and then, after a moment, he adds softly and sincerely, "Hey, uh, thanks for calling. It's really..." Kurt trails off with a hitch of his breath, and he starts again. "It's so good to talk to you again, Blaine."
"It is," Blaine agrees.
He holds his phone in his hand for a while after they hang up. The words gather in his throat again, and he whispers them into the silence of his room. "I love you, too."
Your Voice Inside Me
Kurt/Blaine | G | title from the lyrics to Pat Benatar's "We Belong" | a missing moment from 4x09 "Swan Song" | melancholy WAFF | klaineadvent prompt #2 Belong | After he gets home from Sectionals, Blaine calls Kurt. | ~1,500 words
November 2012
"I love you, too." The words, a fragile treasure, nestle at the base of Blaine's throat long after he puts down the phone. Even through the performance and Marley's fainting, the chaos in the choir room, the news that they had lost to The Warblers, the words linger beneath Blaine's skin, slipping to settle warm behind his breastbone on the drive back home. He missed them.
It's late on Thanksgiving when he comes into the house through the garage, down the short hall, past the laundry room, and into the kitchen. His mother sits at the kitchen table with a mug of coffee and her laptop. Her hair and makeup are still done for guests and diamond solitaires glint at her ears, but she's wearing yoga pants, slippers, and a purple velvet hoodie. She doesn't look up as he comes in. "How'd it go?" she asks.
The kitchen still smells of sage and thyme and roast turkey. Blaine's heart beats with the memory of Kurt's voice: "I miss you like crazy." But his stomach growls with hunger; he pulls his bag off over his head and drops it into a vacant chair. "We, um. We were disqualified," Blaine says. "We didn't finish our set."
"Oh, what happened?" she asks, her expression falls into disappointment and her attention comes up from her screen. Then she says, "There's a plate for you in the oven, dear. The cranberry sauce is in the fridge."
Blaine gets the plate from the oven (smiles at the extra large helping of corn pudding his mother has given him) and the cranberry sauce from the refrigerator; he sits at the table opposite her, and tells her about Marley fainting, the ensuing panic, the Warbler's win. She listens with a sympathetic frown, and then, when Blaine's cleaned his plate, gets herself another cup of coffee and a slice of pie for them each. He tells her, too, that Kurt called, to wish him good luck. That makes her smile. The details of their break-up he's left vague, but she knows he's missed Kurt.
"How is he?" she asks.
"We didn't talk long, but good, I think?" It's hard to restrain his smile. "You're still my best friend."
In his left front trouser pocket, his phone is a too still presence, contrasting with Blaine's ache for it to buzz again with Kurt's name lighting up the screen. The weight of it is a reminder of a connection restored.
He helps his mother unload the dishwasher, checks in with his Dad, and then goes upstairs. While he showers he leaves his phone on the vanity with the volume turned up. The phone doesn't ring. As he towels off, Blaine considers it. It's not like he expects another call or text tonight; he doesn't know what Kurt's doing with his Thanksgiving in New York. Maybe it's too soon for communication to normalize between them. But... "I can't stand not talking to you..."
Blaine dresses in his pajamas and dressing gown and sits cross-legged on his bed, holding his phone in his hand. He's sent so many unanswered texts, placed so many unanswered calls, left so many ignored voice messages—does he dare?
His fingers decide before his head has, tapping through to his contacts and finding Kurt's name. No breath leaves Blaine's lungs while he holds the phone to his ear and listens for the ring and waits.
On the fourth ring, he begins to despair. Kurt's phone goes to voicemail after five. He's lowering it from his ear when the fifth ring halts and he hears Kurt's voice, clipped with breathlessness. "Hi."
"Um, hi?" Blaine says. "Am I interrupting anything?"
"Oh, no. Everyone's gone now. I was just in the shower. Can you give me a second?"
"Sure, yes, of course," Blaine says.
The loud static of Kurt's breath rushes in Blaine's ear, and then muffled thumps and rustling, and he hears Kurt tell Rachel, "It's Blaine. I'll be a little while."
There are more indistinct sounds of movement and the murmur of Rachel's voice. Blaine sits quietly, doesn't fidget, and he waits. Apprehension curls in his stomach as he realizes he should have a plan for this conversation. It's too soon for all the things he wants to ask Kurt—and Kurt did say they would talk at Christmas—but it's hard to stop the yearning for answers from creeping up the base of his tongue. He tries to swallow them down. Tries to reorient himself in feelings of friendship and an appreciation for the delicacy and newness of this reconnection. Makes sure he's grateful for Kurt having answered the phone at all, grateful for Kurt's reaching back finally. He won't ask for too much, just—
"Hey!" Kurt's voice is sudden and loud in his ear. "Sorry, I just wanted to get dressed. It's too cold to air dry in my robe."
"Oh, it's fine," Blaine says. Smiles at the humor in Kurt's voice. "I wasn't sure if I should call so late. You said you had... people there?"
"Yeah," Kurt says. "It was a sort of surprise orphan's Thanksgiving with Isabelle and a dozen or so of her friends. Oh my god, Blaine, it was insane, and so much fun. You have no idea."
In the face of Kurt's exuberance (oh, he's missed it), it's all Blaine can do to keep his voice steady enough to ask, "Will you tell me about it?"
Blaine closes his eyes and listens to Kurt narrate the tale of his evening, about Brody and Rachel molesting the turkey, about the glamorous drag queens, about a night he expected to be lonely abruptly filled with music and joy.
"You know what?" Kurt asks.
It's rhetorical, but Blaine offers up an encouraging, "What?" in response.
"I think tonight was the first time I've really felt like I belonged here, in New York. Does that make sense?"
It hurts a little bit, strangely: a harsh sharpening of the distance between them, not just geographically, but... "You sound happy, Kurt."
"Happy?" Kurt says as if he's skeptical of the concept. "It was a good night," he says. "You would've loved it."
Blaine presses his lips closed around a smile and the emotion rising thick in his throat. It's not quite, 'I wish you'd been here', but it's something good. A tentative wish for time spent together, he hopes. He wants to say something meaningful and heartfelt, but he's pulsing with words that are too much for now, or, it's too soon to say them again: I love you, I'm sorry, I miss you, it's so good to hear your voice, please don't ever stop talking to me again, do you think we can be boyfriends again one day?
"Yeah," Blaine says lamely. "It sounds like I would've."
There's an awkward silence that draws into several heartbeats.
"Thank you for answering your phone," Blaine says at the same time Kurt asks, "So tell me about Sectionals?"
"Oh, I, um. Yeah. It's..." Kurt fumbles.
"Sorry," Blaine says.
"No, no. I just realized, that's... why you called, right? Did you win?"
It's harder telling Kurt than it was telling his mother. "No."
"No?" Incredulous. "Did The Warblers—?"
"Yeah, but it's a long story," Blaine says. "I don't want to keep you—"
"No, please, you can tell me," Kurt says. "Oh, god, I'm so sorry, Blaine. Is everyone— Are you okay?"
"I-I'm fine," Blaine says, and really lets himself feel it. Losing the chance at Nationals this year is a blow, one that doesn't feel as if it's fallen yet. It's hard to feel anything worse than fine with Kurt at the other end of the line, listening. Blaine takes a breath, unfolds his legs, and leans back against his pillows, tucking the phone between his head and the pillow. "I'm good, actually. It's weird, but, right now?" Talking to you, hearing your voice. "I'm okay."
"So The Warblers, huh?" Kurt asks. "How did that happen?"
Blaine tells him. They stay on the phone for nearly an hour longer, and it gets easier to talk, to laugh, to fill the silences. They don't talk about them, but they talk, and by the time Kurt groans and says, "I'm sorry, but I really need to go help Rachel with the clean up," it's painlessly easy for Blaine to say, "All right," and "Enjoy yourself."
At that, Kurt snorts a chuckle into the phone. "I'll try," he says sarcastically, and then, after a moment, he adds softly and sincerely, "Hey, uh, thanks for calling. It's really..." Kurt trails off with a hitch of his breath, and he starts again. "It's so good to talk to you again, Blaine."
"It is," Blaine agrees.
He holds his phone in his hand for a while after they hang up. The words gather in his throat again, and he whispers them into the silence of his room. "I love you, too."