I can blither about your prompt fills, but keep setting aside the big one. I'm dreadful. Fixing that now.
I noticed your handling of setting and atmosphere in this chapter, because you've been talking about it. Different levels of description have different effects in stories, depending on the POV. Here, in 3rd limited, closely aligned with Kurt's gaze, it's insight into what and how much Kurt is noticing. Kurt's in a new place and excited about it; his eyes are wide open; he's taking in a lot. The heightened level of detail in your description of the train station, for eg., might seem like a setting decision, but it reveals character, in a roundabout way. It's a gorgeous description, btw. It worked well there.
I loved seeing Burt! The stuff about their menu choices, and Burt's manner with his staff and the servers, was full of wonderful, neat little insights. What a treat to see Burt pointing his benevolent charisma at Blaine, to make him feel welcome and important.
I like how their debate about whether or not to go egg hunting is really all of their issues bundled up in miniature. Blaine wants to stay in the bubble and spend every possible second together, Kurt's itching to go explore. Kurt doesn't feel Blaine's urgency, because they're going to have their whole lives to lie around wallowing in each other's presence, of course they are, duh. He wants to leave, to stretch, he's got curiosity and energy to burn. Blaine, far less sure of their future, is clinging painfully to the present.
And his communication is so hobbled. He begs Kurt to stay inside, but is all but stricken when Kurt later comments on what they've missed. The guesswork Kurt has to do when Blaine prostrates himself in the living room walks a line between hot and nerve-wracking. And I found myself yearning for a sex scene in which Blaine wanted and took and was kind of cheerfully selfish about it. Here, he seemed to swing between worshipping Kurt and getting off on self-effacement. Which, you know, is fine, in sex play, in moderation, except here I kept catching undertones of, "If I'm perfect, he'll keep me."
Also, meta-tate for me, if you're inclined, on your use (and avoidance) of eye contact in your sex scenes. Because there's a there, there, isn't there? Yes, Blaine, I daresay Kurt likes your bum. But a bum, in my personal experience, is not the most efficient part to gaze upon if you're trying to get a handle on a person's state of mind.
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I noticed your handling of setting and atmosphere in this chapter, because you've been talking about it. Different levels of description have different effects in stories, depending on the POV. Here, in 3rd limited, closely aligned with Kurt's gaze, it's insight into what and how much Kurt is noticing. Kurt's in a new place and excited about it; his eyes are wide open; he's taking in a lot. The heightened level of detail in your description of the train station, for eg., might seem like a setting decision, but it reveals character, in a roundabout way. It's a gorgeous description, btw. It worked well there.
I loved seeing Burt! The stuff about their menu choices, and Burt's manner with his staff and the servers, was full of wonderful, neat little insights. What a treat to see Burt pointing his benevolent charisma at Blaine, to make him feel welcome and important.
I like how their debate about whether or not to go egg hunting is really all of their issues bundled up in miniature. Blaine wants to stay in the bubble and spend every possible second together, Kurt's itching to go explore. Kurt doesn't feel Blaine's urgency, because they're going to have their whole lives to lie around wallowing in each other's presence, of course they are, duh. He wants to leave, to stretch, he's got curiosity and energy to burn. Blaine, far less sure of their future, is clinging painfully to the present.
And his communication is so hobbled. He begs Kurt to stay inside, but is all but stricken when Kurt later comments on what they've missed. The guesswork Kurt has to do when Blaine prostrates himself in the living room walks a line between hot and nerve-wracking. And I found myself yearning for a sex scene in which Blaine wanted and took and was kind of cheerfully selfish about it. Here, he seemed to swing between worshipping Kurt and getting off on self-effacement. Which, you know, is fine, in sex play, in moderation, except here I kept catching undertones of, "If I'm perfect, he'll keep me."
Also, meta-tate for me, if you're inclined, on your use (and avoidance) of eye contact in your sex scenes. Because there's a there, there, isn't there? Yes, Blaine, I daresay Kurt likes your bum. But a bum, in my personal experience, is not the most efficient part to gaze upon if you're trying to get a handle on a person's state of mind.